The most delicious news we’ve ever had has just this second arrived on our desk-tops: Naomi Campbell has been sentenced to 200 hours community service and fined £2, 250. Ok, so its not a prison sentence, but the idea of Naomi spending house patrolling the streets of London collecting rubbish and God knows what else, has really brightened up our day. “So what did Naomi do to deserve this harsh punishment?” We hear you ask, well…It seems as though super-cow started to scream foul-mouthed abuse at the captain of a British Airways flight after being told one of her bags had gone missing during the luggage problems at the newly-opened Terminal 5. As the captain delivered Naomi the bad news she instantly ordered him to get off the plane and look for her suitcase, holding up the flight bound for Los Angeles for almost an hour.
When cabin crew eventually called police to remove her she refused to get off the plane and accused them of targeting her because she was black.
During the furore she shouted at captain, Mark Sutherland: 'You are a racist, you would not be doing this if I was white.'
When police were called she yelled at them: 'It's because I'm a black woman, you are all racist, I'm going to sue you. I'm going to f*** you'.
In a torrent of swearing she added: 'It's just because I'm black and famous.'
At one stage she rang someone on her mobile phone and demanded: 'They have lost my f***ing bag, get me another flight, get hold of the press, get my lawyer.'
Eventually when they managed to remove her from the plane Campbell spat at the officers, kicked one in the groin, and another in the shins before being restrained in handcuffs and flopping into a dead weight like a child as she was forcibly ejected from the jet.
Obviously this was a rookie error by the police attending the scene, everyone knows that the only method know to subdue Naomi is a swift shot of tranquilisers, administrated via dart gun, a cattle-prod to stun her and then a thick sack tied around the head.
Simon Nicholls, defending, said Super-cow had accepted she had lost control and apologised to the police. But he added: 'I can't say she is quite so sorry towards BA and I don't think she'll be troubling them with her custom again.'
Somehow we don’t think BA will be loosing too much sleep over the prospect of Naomi Campbell never flying with them again. Let’s hope they give her something particularly grotty to clean up whilst on her community service…
